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"So you are saying you need more pants?"
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I ask my father after 45 minutes on the phone reporting staff missteps inside the veterans facility where he lives. "Something is slipping," he says.
Yes.
"Okay Dad, I can do that. How many?"
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For another 20 minutes we do pant algebra: how many are stuck in the laundry, how many are two inches too tight on his waist, how many had been ordered and are en-route as we speak.
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Problem solved. Yet, he's not done. That wasn't what he called me for.
"I just don't know what's going on here," he says. He acts like I can tell him the answer. I can, in a way, but what can I say? The place is as good as can be. The people work hard. It's clean. He gets showers, and on a good day, exercise too.
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And up until maybe a year ago, my dad and I only talked in reports: what just happened, what had to happen, pants and shirts, and "points on the board." Stuff you can measure. That's the language of leaders, basketball, and former officers, I guess.
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But how do you relay soul status? As you know you need to get ready to go, how do you make sure all is well, when you fear perhaps it is not.
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"They didn't lend a helping hand," he said. This concerned him. He knows helping hands. And hundreds had helped him hugely in life. For everyone who rises, or even survives, there is always a bounty of helpers. I love helping too – it's one of the finest chimes ringing through human nature.
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But what to say about the realms of emotions, spirit, personal energy and power, how consciousness move through the living during the preamble to dying?
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How do we talk about how our spirit fights to fix the world no matter how tired we may be?
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There is no guidebook about decentralizing your spirit ahead of your moment of departure. But many of us have felt this happen. A family member's world is our world too, and we can worry about if they are leaving it better or not – if all the hard work will remain? If their people will remember them.
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And, these days he's worried about slipping. He frames it as the facility, not himself. And he talks feelings for the first time I've ever known. This aspect of our relationship is new, being close. And I can read tea leaves, yet I don't know how to talk with him. We aren't supposed to state the obvious, right?
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Yet, he's asking for a deeper take on what is. To help him articulate the questions: what will become of the world when I'm gone? Will you all be okay? Will there still be kind people? Will the helpers help?
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So we count the pants, and have long conversations through our common-sense lens. "Maybe they were understaffed today?" I offer. An explanation. That's something, but not the thing.
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Simple answers to an inquiry, pants to fix the quick problem. And to speak to his real question: maybe next time we'll do that that too. Slipping he says. Helping, I listen.
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More Text & Images
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I love the idea of covering1. The grace of covering came for me over 20 years ago via a fisherman. Today, covering is at the core of how I make art, how I ran my business, and how I've tried to look out for people. Covering feels good. It's a safety thing. Covering in the sense of veiling has deep …
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Categories: Creativity, Mommess, Uncategorized
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On building trust and hope in a world we cannot control. Mr. Rogers said, when you are in crisis, look for the helpers. This is a good strategy for anyone no matter their age. Not just because of the practical help an in-need person will receive (meaning something like a band-aid on a cut), but because the nature of helping …
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Categories: Culture, For My Kids, Mommess, Silly Pop Culture References, Spiritual Mechanics, Spirtuality, Uncategorized
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Like many people, I've wanted to make a huge positive impact, but unlike others, I haven't wanted to be directly acknowledged for doing it, because I'm uncomfortable with 'too much' attention.1 So, about 25 years back, I decided one of the highest-leverage things I could do with my energy was to consciously help helpers. I felt this was a worthy …
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Categories: Coaching, Culture, Mommess, Uncategorized
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In the days of AI and excessive optimization, mess is leading edge.
Some content here is political, some personal, much of it philosophical, and all of it meant to shine some light into the lives of my readers, because it was written to shine light into mine.
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I hope my work stirs your soul, ignites your creativity, and helps you feel connected to all the good things this life can offer. If it doesn't, please promptly forget it! This work is my soul's calling. If you find value here, please tip or consider a paid subscription.
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POLITICAL ACTION AREA: It's best to connect with your local civic groups, and show up in the ways you can. Peaceful crowd sizes matter, as does your positive energy, community spirit, and adherence to non-violence.
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