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This little bird camped on our doorstep last night. I almost didn't share the photo, because you can see what's falling apart over here. But then I remembered Bob Marley's song "Three Little Birds," and realized I was blessed, rotten wood and all.
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Right now, I'm writing outside before the rains set in, and another goldfinch just stopped on the underside of the blue umbrella overhead before flying across the yard.
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Hey, Two out of Three ain't bad.
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My visitors aren't particularly "gold," instead they look like the immature female American goldfinch, or non-breeding male goldfinch (more from Cornell on Birds).
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Indigenous cultures view the goldfinch as a messenger of light, personal freedom, and power of true self. Other traditions see them as a symbol of renewal, hope, divine grace, and positive transformation.
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Also, I feel like I need to confess something that explains much of my writing and art these past two years. That's because in the moody slivers of space between authenticity, community, and usefulness, lies a person who is not quite sure if she's alive or dead.
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What I mean by this is, one day I woke up and could not tell if I had passed away and was living "on the other side." For real. Yeah, I know, it sounds crazy, but that was my experience – inside. Outside, my income plummeted, I hit middle age, became "sandwiched" between raising teens and caring for elders, and got really, really tired.
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The colloquial terms that might describe my experience are burnout, breakdown, or perhaps spiritual breakthrough. You know, the psychological volcano people pay ayahuasca shamans thousands of dollars to experience in the mountains with rich seekers on a schedule. That kind of thing.
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For those who enjoy new age-meets-sci-fi-and-science, you could say I quantum jumped to another reality (but not on purpose). Whatever it was, it's taken me a while to get my bearings.
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Writing and making art has been a godsend. A practice to modulate my moods and send out beauty and, I hope, hope too.
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Before this little "self-snafu" I had been trying to keep my word to waaaayyy too many people in a uber busy life while doing DIY enlightenment at home with a Zen master via YouTube video and online classes. You know, the rugged American way: "I'll take charge of my own soul, in my own house, thank you very much!"
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There are dozens of other terms for these kinds of life transitions, depending on your world view. Honestly, I think most people have experienced complete breakdowns of their sense of self + world view, so I'll stop pussy-footing around the topic and try to get to the practices I'm working on now. I hope they are as helpful to you as they've been for me:
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Even if you feel like your own experience has become unsustainable or perhaps a strange kind of purgatory, there is likely someone else who wishes they were you. Try not to see yourself through anyone's eyes or wiggle around to maintain your old personae. You be you: failures, victories, soul and shit stains, and all.
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Your current email-tainted struggles, while being surrounded by loving people in a beautiful place would be a fleepin delight to someone who lives in a war torn area or even facing poverty, violence, or oppression in this country. So, maybe we can practice gratitude to relieve discomfort in ourselves and others. Or perhaps, we can create more pockets of beauty in the rough spots, and free some decent folks from terrible situations (like ICE interrogations and systemic poverty).
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Know too: you aren't what others seem to see in you, so try to listen to others' small talk and hear how they want to connect, and what matters to them. Projecting onto others projecting onto us is a hall of mirrors, best to let it go.
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We simply can't know others' thoughts, wishes, dreams and agenda, because most of us are hiding something. I know, I'm still grappling with shame for being human, my mistakes, greed, idiot moves, and tendency to swear like a sailor.
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We are all interconnected, deeply and meaningfully, and these links can be amusing, absurd even. With that said, if you call out the wild connections as your own you can be confused with a Conspiracy Theorist, or perhaps a master of Dad Jokes.
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Choose what you learn, choose what you practice. As always, people may interpret what you say and do based upon their own biases and communication style. What matters is what you do being aligned with why you do it.
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Choose wisely, experiment with abandon, and forgive yourself when you need to.
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Being kind and loving, while you do your thing is a plus for the collective. And if you feel like you are in a dark place, do your best to shine some light on that, and act kindly to everyone else. They too have their dark areas to deal with (or not deal with as the case may be, so go easy).
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I feel like I need to give examples, and perhaps in a future post on emmpress.com I'll delve in more specifically with real world stories. Because the weavings of my world are so rich and complicated, they may take a little while.
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For now, happy Goldfinches on a Rhode Island Rain Day. Drops are a' falling.
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With gratitude and a deep bow of thanks to natural friends,
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More Text & Images
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I was out late last night at a concert with my teenager. Total bonding experience, and great to see how even punk and goth music can still send a scorch of artful rebellion screaming through adult souls. I think our culture needs a bunch of this right now and I'm so happy to know teen spirit still carries the special …
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Categories: Family, For My Kids, Humor, Mommess, Parenting, Uncategorized
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You received this email because you signed up here, or I thought you might find this interesting and added you to my weekly roundup of text & images. You may unsubscribe at any time at bottom. |
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Tree Eagle | Markup on photo by EM Matteson 2025 | More Art
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In the days of AI and excessive optimization, mess is leading edge.
Some content on my site is political, some personal, much of it philosophical, and all of it meant to shine some light into the lives of my readers, because it was written to shine light into mine.
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I hope my work stirs your soul, ignites your creativity, and helps you feel connected to all the good things this life can offer. If it doesn't, please promptly forget it! This work is my soul's calling. If you find value here, please tip or consider a paid subscription.
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POLITICAL ACTION AREA: It's best to connect with your local civic groups, and show up in the ways you can. Peaceful crowd sizes matter, as does your positive energy, community spirit, and adherence to non-violence.
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